You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize