i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize