Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
