you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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