So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize