I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
