just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
