i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
