Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
