holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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