mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
