UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it hurts more in the daytime
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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