I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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