I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
