did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
