A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
