no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
