i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
