I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
