I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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