Will you blow on my dice?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
