At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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