I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is it penis luge time yet?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
