Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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