you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
