I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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