so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I am naked and annoyed.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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