he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize