8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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