So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
