Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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