College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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