how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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