FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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