I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need to align my fucking chakras
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
