Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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