Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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