do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I pour the whiskey from now on
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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