i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize