I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
