he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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