if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My life is pants optional.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
