I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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