Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wish there were birth control emojis
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
