No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
