Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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