once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
