i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
