I am in a vortex of obligation.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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