I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He has the fingertips of a God
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