we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
