I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
