i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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