it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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