Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
