This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
