I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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