I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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