1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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