I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
