She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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