Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
