i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just invented taco cereal.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
