You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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