420 ftw
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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