she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
